--------------------
Subject: MAFIA MIKE'S SCHNEWS
Welcome to Mafia Mike's.
Leave your weapons at the door. Take a seat or stand at the bar. Eat some nuts and chat about the endless wait for energy and stamina!!!!
We got it all here and if we dont... bring it!
Message from the Landlord :
Liquor in the front.
Poker in the rear.
Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls, Lads and Lasses..
It is with much regret,..... that I have to inform you,......that.........
the recent illness that befell upon most of you....was our son Luis's error in judgement. The blueness of the beer with those little dregs in....was caused by Luis trying to save money by NOT using the correct filter papers reserved for the green beer.....
He thought he could strain them through cloth.....which turned out was my pair of undercrackers..... As they were a nice dark shade of blue...the dye came out. They were also due for a good wash...as I didn't get a chance to have them washed for 3 weeks due to working so hard....and Marie was on strike at the time. Needless to say, he has been thoroughly reprimanded and promises never to use them again. Instead, he will use Marie's!
Another brief bit of news for all those that so generously donated time and effort (and cash) towards the merkin farm....sadly came to an abrupt end last night....when the merkin I was growing for Lela......caught fire. Having a swift smoke out of the window...the tip flew off and although I could see smoke billowing out....it took me a good few minutes to realise that my beard was on fire. Sorry Lela and the other two ladies who shall remain anonymous (see ? CM and Susan...I told you I wouldn't tell anyone....)
afraid you will have to wait a little while longer until I can grow some more strands!
Another accident last night....I was washing up and broke a plate clean in two. I though. that they'd come in handy when Marie only wants half a plateful of food....I did try this..It didn't go down toowell....so am sleeping in the dog-basket tonight with my tail curled firmly around me.
I have also been asked to take Bacon Butties off the menu....as Marie is getting very protective towards her Little Willy.....sausages and gammon and ham have also been deleted from the menus......there will of course be the traditional dish of Toad-in-the-Hole this week....( don't tell Marie...she thinks they are literally toads in holes) but only if I can catch Willy before he does another runner. Marie thought I had caught him when she heard him squealing...but he had ran up Luis's new evening gown ...only to be met by 3 frenchmen coming down trying to find their way out....
the mind boggles....so you can ask Lulu.....I mean Luis.... himself !!!!!
There have been frantic goings on in the poker room....loads of scurrying about and building materials and acetyline tanks being stored by the bouncers in readyness of their new chop shops. I keep telling them we are not breeding lambs in there....nor are we having a chip shop.....
I thought that there just might be a few non-drinkers out there so am opening a coffee shop...and have decided to call it Green-Bucks.
We will be brewing up dreckly and hope to see you all giving us some support. Willy has very kindly posed for us....and his photo maybe seen on the wall in Mafia Mike's Rogues Gallery.
Joke comes from our very own gangster/gagster... .Mike Caldwell
How Fights Start
My wife sat down on the sofa next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, "What's on TV?"
I said, "Dust."
And then the fight started....
******************************************
My wife and I were watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"
"No," she answered.
I then said, "Is that your final answer?"
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying,"Yes.."
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And then the fight started....
******************************************
Saturday morning I got up ea rl y, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat to the van, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing at 40 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and learned that the weather would be bad all day.
I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."
My loving wife of 5 years replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?"
And that's how the fight started....
******************************************
I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny?
Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... He was a DWARF!!! He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, "I AM NOT HAPPY!!!"
So, I looked down at him and said, "Well, then which one are you?"
And then the fight started....
*****************************************
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds."
So I bought her a bathroom scale.
And then the fight started....
******************************************
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's License to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, "Unbutton your shirt." So I opened my shirt revealing my cu rl y silver hair. She said,
"That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me," and she processed my Social Security application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.
She said, "You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too."
And then the fight started....
******************************************
I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason took my order first. "I'll have the steak, medium rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"
"Nah, she can order for herself."
And then the fight started....
******************************************
A woman was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She was not happy with what she saw and said to her husband, "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment."
The husband replied, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."
And then the fight started ............
See you in the bar...from Ted.... your Bar Cellarman
--------------------
To reply to this message, follow the link below:
http://www.facebook.com/n/?inbox%2Freadmessage.php&t=1138901613203&mid=1ed29edG5af32a232197G2c7ddcG0
___
Find people from your Gmail address book on Facebook! Go to: http://www.facebook.com/find-friends/?ref=email
This message was intended for arildinho13@gmail.com. Want to control which emails you receive from Facebook? Go to:
http://www.facebook.com/editaccount.php?notifications=1&md=bXNnO2Zyb209NTg0MDg4NTY0O3Q9MTEzODkwMTYxMzIwMzt0bz0xMDAwMDA0MzA0OTgxOTk=
Facebook's offices are located at 1601 S. California Ave., Palo Alto, CA 94304.
No response to “"Mafia Mike's" sent you a message on Facebook...”
Leave a Reply